Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Needing a Lift

When I got up last Friday morning, I felt horrible. Not sick...just drained and exhausted. Even with all the thoughts, prayers and condolences my bloggers sent, I still felt horrible.  I didn't even want to go to the gym! The wake and funeral, Mom's death, grieving..it was overpowering and it had such a tight grip...a seemingly relentless grip...on me.  

Not feeling my usual bubbly, jovial self, the Pres suggested that I go grocery shopping with him.  Dragging myself up off the couch, I changed although I really didn't care what I looked like.  By the time we returned home, it was time for lunch and I was ready for a nap. All I wanted to do was hit the couch, pull the sheet over my head and sleep for a long, long time.

  Then life began.

Surprised that it was 2:30 pm when I woke up, the Pres and I went out on the deck with a nice cold chunk of watermelon which, I'll admit, hit the spot.  Yet even after eating that red, juicy snack, I felt emotionally empty inside. I needed a lift.  Losing my MIL was hard.  Death seems to put all things in perspective.

 You realize what really matters regardless of what anyone thinks. You take a step back, see the petty happenings around you and decide to leave them all in the dust.  Yes, losing someone you love makes you hurt, but you also see things a lot clearer.  I have a husband who loves me.  My kids love me.  They all need me.  This is what matters!  What matters is the NOW.

Functioning as we have for the past ten days, I must admit, I even felt like a failure when it came to the eagles.  I hadn't
been able to see any young ones.  I couldn't report a head count to Kate. 

Then something inside...that little engine that chugged along through all life's challenges...told me to give it another try.  I was going in the woods! Dressed in my camo shirt, hat, brush pants and boots, I flung the camera and binoculars around my neck and off I went. 

Nothing.  Nothing but other birds.

Not a sound from the eagles, which to me meant they were not around. No warning...no alert.  The silence prompted me to leave my regular spot. I decided that I was going closer to the tree so I could see the nest. We've had horrendous rain and high winds lately and I was afraid the nest could have been destroyed. Yep, I worry about things like that.  I do take my responsibilities very seriously.

Snapping a few pix of the nest, I wanted to see a juvenile so badly that I actually thought I saw something move. But the my mind said, "you are imagining things because you want it and need it so badly.  Just move on.  It was nothing."

As I walked across the clearing, I snapped one or two more pix then turned and headed home. It was enough. I didn't want to linger in case they returned.  I'd been there about five minutes.





Nice view right? From the height of the nest, the eagles can see the pond which is about 1/4 mile away. Beyond that is the river which is about 3/4 mile away then the mountain beyond. Gosh I wish I was up there in that nest to see what they see!!

When I got home and reviewed the pictures, I couldn't wait to show the Pres. As I turned to show the Pres, my eyes filled with tears and I said, "Thanks, Mama.  I needed this!" 

Oh, one more thing. You did see the young eagle in the nest, didn't you? He's on the left side...:). Judging from his size, it will be fledging soon.  Yep. LIFE took me by the hand on Friday.





9 comments:

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I DO see him....what a beauty.

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

I see him too!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

You really needed that boost! That little eagle was there at just the right time.

Sandra said...

i found him but not until i read your last comment and went back to stare.. what a lift you found... hope something lifts your spirit today

acreativeharbor.com said...

What a 'gift' for you from your Mama ~ the eagle ~ so glad you are starting to move through your grief ~ it does take day by day and as you wrote you are blessed with a beautiful family ~ Happy 4th to you ~ Carol

bj said...

This is so awesome and such a blessing.
Happy 4th..

Ann said...

I didn't see it until I got to the third picture and then it just jumped right out at me.
A beautiful gift from your MIL

MTWaggin said...

Good for you and don't those birds and nature remind us how precious every day is! Take care.

Indrani said...

It seems to be keenly observing your activities.

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