Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Forgiveness

RemembeRED

This week's prompt is about forgiveness. Forgiving others, forgiving yourself. Write about a time of forgiveness. Your word limit for this prompt is 600 words.

~~~~~~
I was twenty two and had just given birth to my daughter, my first child.  Being two months pregnant, when I married did not go over well with my guardians.  In fact, since they had disowned me for other reasons, I'm not sure what I really expected when I called my Aunt that night.  They had raised me since I was four and I so wanted to have their love in my life even though it was abusive in so many ways.

She answered the phone.
Happily and enthusiastically, I said, "Auntie Ann, it's me.  I wanted to call and tell you that I just had a beautiful baby girl.  Her name is Jennifer and she weighed 6 lbs 13 oz.  Wait until you see her...she's beautiful!"

Hearing the unpleasantness and sarcasm even before she uttered a sound, I waited patiently for her response.  "I'm not interested in you or your little girl," she said before hanging up.

Tears filled my eyes and as they made their way down my young face, I slowly withdrew into my shell under the hospital linens, hidden from sight.  I had to hide the tears and the pain because I heard the sound of familiar voices.  My husband and in laws were coming down the hall.  They were my new family and welcomed me with open arms then and always.
Learning to forgive is one of the most difficult things to do in life.  While growing up, my Aunt would tell us stories about "girls in trouble" and how she looked at them saying that "they just couldn't wait until they were married."  Thinking that she had a heart of gold, I was so proud that she didn't belittle these young women.  

It took me a long time to forgive her for that night.  I often wonder if she ever forgave me.    

20 comments:

gld said...

JP, that is the saddest story I have heard. Did she ever forgive you? The time when you needed her the most; she wasn't there. You are a big person to forgive her. I wonder if she ever forgave herself.

I can't think of anything my kids could do that would make me tell them that!

Kymberly Foster Seabolt said...

Forgive YOU?

Oh honey, my real hope is that she forgave herself?

You deserved better and she cheated herself of the joy of giving it. Period.

Dianna said...

That's a sad story.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Nothing worse than family throwing out hurtful words. I'm sorry she refused to be understanding, JP.

A Rural Journal said...

Sounds like she has some self-esteem issues. Don't need negativity like that in your life. Better off without it.

Marjorie (Molly) Smith said...

So sad, but plain and simple..she is the loser.
Molly

ArtMuse Dog and Carol said...

JP ~ That wasn't you ~ It was how your aunt was raised ~ am sure you realized that ~ and it more often than not that we hurt and are hurt the most by those who we love and they love us ~ You are a beautiful person today because of al the joys and sorrows you went through ~ Thanks for being you ~ hugs and namaste ^_^

Sandra said...

a very sad story this is. words are the worst thing we can say and they hurt more than actions. a few simple words cut to the bone. i am 66 and still feel the hurt from the words my 2 aunts used to say that hurt me when i was 5 until grown and married. i had 3 aunts that were wonderful and built withlove and two that were the aunts from hell. when i was small i lived next to my cousin, 4 years my junior. i had straight and she had curly hair, i was pudgy, she was thin, we had nothing, they had big bucks. the aunts would say things like. Look at all those curls, they are so beautiful, its to bad Sandra does not have them. Or Honey, if you would stop eating you could be thin like Andrea. on and on and on. from all of this i still suffer at age 66 from a super inferiorty complex. they are all deceased now, good and bad and i never thought about forgiving them and never will

texwisgirl said...

She denied you love because she couldn't face the truth of her own sad relationship with a sick husband. So she made you the bad guy. I admire you for your incredible strength, will to prevail, and positive attitude no matter what. I'd have a hard time not placing blame and holding on to pain and anger... :)

Michaele said...

I agree with Kymberly. She had to live with herself and her story must be a far sadder one. (I hope sadder is a word.) Happy you had another family to love you.

Jill said...

It is sad that your Aunt denied herself the opportunity to know your daughter. It is joyous to know that through your husband and daughter you found great love.

Snappy Di said...

Um, sorry, but what a bitchy thing for her to do to you. Sounds like she was just a very sad person through and through.

Di

The Wife of a Dairyman said...

Sounds like your Aunt has something deeper going on and has for a long time.....the only thing one can do is send love their way and hope they can work it out....
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm sure it must have been very difficult for you at the time.

Your kids are lucky to have the wise mom they do:)

Chatty Crone said...

Picture me (lol) getting in my car - and driving straight to your house - and knocking on your dorr - and giving you the biggest hug ever. That's exactly what I would do if I could.

You might have made a mistake - we all have - but you never ever talk to a child that way. That is not a mistake - that was done on purpose.

Ever...

sandie

Jane said...

JP,that was such a sad story,sometimes people can be so wrong and judgemental. Blessings jane

twbcountrygirl said...

In my opinion JP, forgiveness isn't saying what she did was alright, or that it hurts any less today than it did all those years ago. I think forgiveness gives you the ability to release yourself from the hurt and move on from it. I do feel the experiences we have in our life, both good and bad, form us into the human beings we turn out to be. You yourself, are a patient and kind person because of the life you've had, not in spite of it.
You're wonderful JP, and you deserve to hear that each and everyday. I'm sending the Pres a memo!
the wanna be country girl - Caroline

Granny Sue said...

How sad, and how cruel. Babies are wonderful, end of story. It sounds like you ended up in a family that cherishes you. Her loss, their gain.

Bee Lady said...

How sad that your Aunt missed out on the love of a niece. I pity her. Anyone who has ever followed my blog know how special my family is to me, especially my nieces. Were they all conceived after marriage? No. Could I love them more than I do. No. Every one of them are such a blessing in my life. It's her loss..and what a huge one.

Cindy Bee

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

I'm catching up on your blog and have read all the comments and don't know what I could say...Other than I struggle with the same thing...so I will say to you that I agree, it is your Aunts loss that at the moment you opened the door to allow all the things of the past stay there, she chose to hang onto them. I'm glad you chose to remember the good things in your life at a moment of great joy and happiness!! Your daughter is lucky to have you and not someone so 'toxic' as part of her life!! It is her loss if she has not forgiven you because it has kept her from having the joy in her life that your daughter has brought into yours.

(Florida) Girl said...

Heartbreaking. This kind of writing takes so much courage and I think it makes us all better by reading it. Thank you for sharing this.

Stopping by from the red dress club.

PS Happy travels!

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