Although my sister and I never shared our experiences with each other when we were growing up, when we reconnected years later as adults, those experiences reared their ugly heads. Until that point in time, we both kept them hidden. They were swept away like dirt on a floor...not thrown away, just hidden. Years later, after seeing a counselor, I was able to finally "throw them away'".
However, I have so many good memories of living with our Aunt and Uncle too. I sometimes think that that's what made it so hard for me to say good-bye. I really did love them but was never allowed to be affectionate or to simply say the words, "I love you" to my Aunt. Oh, I remember the day I said those three words to her. She shook her finger at me and said I could never say those words again!
I remember playing in the yard, rolling down the hill. I remember going fishing. I remember walking down to the bridge and jumping in the river. I remember having an imaginary friend, Teri Lee that I used to make mud cakes and pies with. I remember watering our first horse, Comanche. I remember learning to ride. I remember walking to the bus stop and back home again after school. I remember having a cold glass of milk and piece of chocolate cake for a snack. I remember watching Mickey Mouse Club after school. All those things and times remain in my head as if it was yesterday and I am grateful for each and every one of those fond memories. They will remain dear and near to me forever. I felt loved. After all, it was the only kind of love I knew.
After I graduated high school and began college, I became closer to one of my high school friends. I was now allowed, at that age, to go to a friend's house after classes. I mean, after all, I was now in my third year of college. You see, when I was younger, we were never allowed to have friends over or go to friend's house after school. No birthday parties, no close friends. You always came right home to do your chores, your homework and the off to bed, unless of course, you had to go to your job which you got when you were old enough to work.
Anyway, I became closer and closer to my friend, Peggy...her and her family. She knew it all. Then one day her parents wanted to talk to me. I remember how we sat in the dining room at their house and how both Peggy's mom and dad told me that what my uncle was doing to me was wrong...VERY WRONG, that what he was doing was not normal and I should tell my aunt. But, thank goodness, they also told me that I had to be prepared for the consequences. So, with their help and emotional support I decided to tell my Aunt what had been going on.
My sister had left home right after she married, so it was up to me to be the brave one. It was up to me to tell my aunt that her husband had been doing these things to both my sister and I since we began puberty. I had to speak up for myself even though it could mean that the love I so longed for...the love that I considered normal...and would be gone forever.
I've linked this small glimpse up to http://thereddressclub.blogspot.com/ . Come and join others there for their revealing memories.