Saturday, July 31, 2010

Chapter 4 My Life: Speak Up







Although my sister and I never shared our experiences with each other when we were growing up, when we reconnected years later as adults, those experiences reared their ugly heads.  Until that point in time, we both kept them hidden.  They were swept away like dirt on a floor...not thrown away, just hidden.  Years later, after seeing a counselor, I was able to finally "throw them away'".











However, I have so many good memories of living with our Aunt and Uncle too.  I sometimes think that that's what made it so hard for me to say good-bye.  I really did love them but was never allowed to be affectionate or to simply say the words, "I love you" to my Aunt.  Oh, I remember the day I said those three words to her.  She shook her finger at me and said I could never say those words again!




  I remember playing in the yard, rolling down the hill.  I remember going fishing.  I remember walking down to the bridge and jumping in the river.  I remember having an imaginary friend, Teri Lee that I used to make mud cakes and pies with.  I remember watering our first horse, Comanche.  I remember learning to ride.  I remember walking to the bus stop and back home again after school.  I remember having a cold glass of milk and piece of chocolate cake for a snack.  I remember watching Mickey Mouse Club after school.  All those things and times remain in my head as if it was yesterday and I am grateful for each and every one of  those fond memories.  They will remain dear and near to me forever.  I felt loved.  After all, it was the only kind of love I knew. 




After I graduated high school and began college, I became closer to one of my high school friends.  I was now allowed, at that age, to go to a friend's house after classes.  I mean, after all, I was now in my third year of college.  You see, when I was younger, we were never allowed to have friends over or go to friend's house after school.  No birthday parties, no close friends.  You always came right home to do your chores, your homework and the off to bed, unless of course, you had to go to your job which you got when you were old enough to work.



  Anyway, I became closer and closer to my friend, Peggy...her and her family.  She knew it all.  Then one day her parents wanted to talk to me.  I remember how we sat in the dining room at their house and how both Peggy's mom and dad told me that what my uncle was doing to me was wrong...VERY WRONG, that what he was doing was not normal and I should tell my aunt.  But, thank goodness, they also told me that I had to be prepared for the consequences.  So, with their help and emotional support I decided to tell my Aunt what had been going on.



My sister had left home right after she married, so it was up to me to be the brave one.  It was up to me to tell my aunt that her husband had been doing these things to both my sister and I since we began puberty.  I had to speak up for myself even though it could mean that the love I so longed for...the love that I considered normal...and would be gone forever. 










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I've linked this small glimpse up to http://thereddressclub.blogspot.com/ .  Come and join others there for their revealing memories.

8 comments:

Tiggeriffic said...

I feel so bad for you and your sister.. Thank goodness you had a good friend who helped you at this time of your life. I had such a wonderful childhood~ I just wish everyone could of been so blessed with wonderful parents. They loved me so much~!~!

Andrea (ace1028) said...

I am so sorry that you went through so much. You and your sister, both, so young. I'm so glad to hear that you had a friend and her family to support you through this as you stood up. For yourself, your sister. I could picture the happy memories, which made the other ones even more frustrating. I'm glad you stayed strong. Sending virtual hugs to you today.

Shell said...

Not allowed to say I love you? That's so tragic.

Cheryl said...

There are no words, and yet you felt loved as best you could. So tragic. I am so sorry, but I am so glad you found a friend and stood up for yourself.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

How freeing it must be to be able to write and talk about these things now, so many years later.
I am so sorry but too am glad you were able to confront the man who did these horrible things.

Karen Peterson said...

There is nothing happy in this story. Well, except the freedom that must have come after you spoke up.

kate hopper said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm so glad that you were able to let it go and write it out. And thank goodness for friends.

gld said...

My Lord! You poor child. I am so sorry you had to go through this. How can there be so many horrid people in the world.

Children are so innocent and so helpless. There should be a special punishment for these people including those who standby and let it happen (you Aunt).

I had some touching happen to me as a girl about 10 or 12 by not one, but two relatives. I never told a living soul until a few years ago and I told my sister. She still adores the Uncle; I think she believes I either imagined it or took an innocent thing the wrong way. So be it.
I know it wasn't right.

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